I love these article titles as it means I can tear it apart with some honesty. I have a digital marketer who assigns me many of my headlines. These headings are used to generate online traffic to my free content so that men can experience my message.
Before I used to make my own headings, and it would it turn many men off reading. Responsibility is a funny thing. Many of us do not want to know we are responsible for our own happiness and life paths. If the truth is splashed at you in the form of an article heading, and you don’t want to feel pressure to accept shit or step up, you will avoid it.
With these superficial headings it is awesome, because men arrive assuming they will learn techniques and lines, but instead, what happens is a whole lot of truth and honesty. Once you see it, you can no longer avoid it.
Now, back to tearing this apart…
Talking to girls in a bar is slightly different to everyday, in the external aspects, such as environment etc. But this is not something profound. It is normal common sense that we all have.
Let us look at the obvious. How is a bar different?
Well, it is darker, there is alcohol involved, music, lower inhibitions, and less clothes.
A bar and nightclub should be seen as an unedited music video. It is an environment purposefully created for people to forget about the confines of the outside world. It is a place where people walk into, and comfortably allow themselves to let go somewhat. The comfortability factor is usually present from the excessive alcohol consumption, and the fact the entire herd is joining in, which makes it all much easier. It is controlled conformity offered by the social prison as an easy escape for a few hours. It will spit you right back into your socially conformed life on Sunday morning. It is clever.
So, how does a bar environment differ from ‘opening’ women everywhere else? It doesn’t. Besides the fact it is a false world. It is not real.
Many men will tailor how they ‘approach’ women specifically to what they call ‘night game’ and ‘daygame’, or ‘beside a water-cooler game’. In my reality there is no difference. Only one reality exists in my being, and that is mine. It is my internal reality.
If I am in a bar, or on the street, my behavior and the way I relate to myself does not uproot or change. This level of solidarity allows me to switch back and fourth effortlessly from different environments and cultures fluidly, as my mindsets and beliefs are not effected by outside influence. This is down to the fact I have done the internal work, to dig through my own shit, to carve my authentic-self out. Because I am in alignment with who I am, I can not be influenced by the external factors and bullshit around me.
The lies and fakeness people live in also becomes immediately obvious.
Of course it is different!
Externally, yes, everything is different in a bar. All the factors I stated above are at play. These will all change. What doesn’t change? How you relate to yourself and women.
If I like a woman during the day in a coffee shop, it is exactly the same as liking a girl at a bar. No difference.
People go to bars and clubs to hook up, or to get drunk. Mostly both!
What Openers Do I Use?
My answer to this is the same as everywhere else…
“Whatever the fuck you want to say”! Let me explain this on a deeper level.
An opener is only a word, or a collection of words, which can be absolutely anything. There has never been a girl who said “you know what, I fucked you because of that super perfect opener”.
It is the least substantial part of how you interact, and should really be seen more as an extension of how you relate to people. That is, not thinking or planning. It is you externalizing yourself in whatever way you want and feel.
That in my case is usually an observation, or complete silence. Seriously, I tell guys this all the time. I “open” in so many cases completely silent.
I apply something called self-trust in my life. When I see a girl I FEEL attraction for, that is all I need. I walk up empty with nothing in my head. My job is to listen to my intuition and show up.
Because of this, many times I arrive to her and just make eye contact. I stand there and she says the first few words. In other cases, I will say “hey”, or “hola”, or “excuse me”.
Seriously man! Your opener does not matter. It should NOT be long! To do so just disconnects you from the moment and her. Keep this simple.
Simplicity is incredibly important. Which type of man talks lots, and has huge verbal explanation style openers? Men who do not feel ok with what they are doing, that’s who!
To feel better they speak lots, trying to qualify themselves internally and externally.
This brings me to my next point:
Are You Ok With What You Are Doing?
Do you look for the perfect opener because you want to make the girl feel ok with you hitting on her? You cannot expect her to be ok with you, if you are not ok with it first.
One of the most essential and powerful internal steps a man must take is to become ok with hitting on and flirting with women. You must be unashamed about this. You get there by actually verbalizing why you are talking to her. Let her know you are hitting on her blatantly in the coffee shop, or the bar.
For her to think anything different would be dumb.
Last weekend I was at an outdoor party, and a beautiful and feisty Slovakian girl started speaking with me. We were busting each other’s balls and having flirty fun.
I had to leave so I suggested we exchange numbers. She looked at me and said why?
“So we can continue to hit on each other at a later date”, I said.
“Who said I was hitting on you, we were just having a conversation”, she said with a smirk and a devilish glint in her big green eyes. I just looked at her with a questioningly raised eyebrow. I left silence, and then said, “you don’t look stupid? c’mon, you’re better than this”, and handed her my phone.
She put her number in my phone and strut off into the distance in her high heels.
When you own the fact you are OF COURSE hitting on her, she has nothing to lean on. She cannot poke you or ‘shit test’ you when you are completely ok with what you are doing. You have nothing to hide. You are not attempting to weasel anything out of her. You are being proud of what you are doing, and owning it.
Everything becomes so much simpler.
Now, Imagine seeing a girl you find attractive in a bar. What are you going to say to open her? Does it fucking matter? You know decisively why you are there: Because you are attracted to her and want to see if you have chemistry. That is not all down to you. You must show up first, then the rest is a 2 person dance, without pressure.
If you like each other awesome, if not, who gives a shit? Go find someone you do like!
When you are firmly aware of your intention, you stop looking for the ‘how’s’ and ‘what’s’. You give yourself permission unapologetically.
You could walk up and say “purple monkey dishwasher” and it would not hurt your ‘game’ in anyway. This is the benefit and importance of living your life upon a solid and decisive foundation of certainty and ownership.
Be ok hitting on girls. If you are not right now, that is fine. Every girl you find attractive, go up and tell her what you like about her and that you have come to hit on her/flirt with her.
This is not about her responses or the outcomes. This is all about you taking some fucking responsibility and becoming internally free. This is about re-claiming your powerful sexuality and sharing its beauty with the world around you.
It is ok to be inspired by beautiful women. I am every day. Enjoy it! Live through that! One of the feminine powers is the ability to nourish and keep us men inspired in life. Allow them fill that role for you. Stop avoiding it and avoiding yourself.
If you would like to have me guide you through this process in a rapid and supportive way, then contact me and inquire about my hugely transformational coaching packages, to see which best suits you. We can have a brief chat on Skype to find out exactly what you need.
Chris Bale's Blog
Founder & Head Coach.