In my reality, there are 2 types of zones: The man zone, and the woman zone, and I am always in the man zone. It really is that simple.
The friend zone does not even exist. It is not even a way of being. Instead it is a label that has been placed on a specific way of interacting with your own sexuality, and the women whom you encounter.
The friend zone coincidentally has nothing to do with actually being a friend to a woman. The true meaning of friend does not even apply; as when you are friend zoned by a woman, this is directly down to the fact you are not being honest with yourself and/or her. Friends are honest with each other. Friends can trust each other.
The weird social space reserved for the friend zone label is definitely a weird one.
In a lot of cases the girl knows she is friend zoning you, and has clearly felt the need to do so, based on your fearful and dishonest relationship with yourself. You have given her no choice. You have forced her to do so. If she is going to have to spend time around you, she must categorize you as something. You choose what that is!
She is very aware you are sexually interested in her, but you do not have the balls to be ok with it.
Lots of girls will always talk about their best male friends. The majority of whom WOULD have sex with them if the girl wanted to explore it any point. She KNOWS this to be true, but she can conveniently throw it to the side, as you have already created a dishonest environment.
In today’s society, a ‘friend zoned’ male is pretty much fulfilling the role of a penis in a glass case: ‘Break in case of emergency’, which never ends up being broken, as she would have to do all the ‘work’ to insinuate it. It is much easier to go to a club and fuck some drunk dude named ‘chuck’. Ideally, she would rather not have to. But the soft man-boys give her no other option.
Can we be friends?
I am not saying that men and women cannot be friends, because we definitely can. I am friends with the women I sleep with, and I am friends with women I have no intention of ever exploring sexually. But, both categories KNOW this.
Nothing is ever started in a confused and intent hiding manner. I am always honest while relating.
The word ‘friend’ I use here is the complete opposite of the friend zone guy. As I have stated, he is not actually a friend. So, what is he?
The Friend Zone guy - His downfall...
The friend zone guy is straight out sneaky. I know this, as I was the sneakiest guy you could ever meet in my younger years.
I would meet a girl I liked, and I would hide my attraction. The risk of being rejected or blown-out was not worth it, so I would adopt another way of behavior. I would start to interact with her as I would with a loved one. I would care for her intensely and make sure she was always ok. Attempting to trick her into loving me.
Rather than giving her orgasms, I would be giving her my advice on other boys. I would listen to her complain about some guy she met, and then deal with her crying after she calls me at 3am after fucking him 4 times.
I would push my own pain and hurt down, telling myself “its ok, she will be mine eventually”.
I would get in my car and pick up her favorite type of hot chocolate and some flowers, driving frantically to her house to surprise her. All of this to cheer her up and help her to forget about the other guys she fucks, who are actually sharing their sexuality with the world (who I would badmouth to her, so she could be with just me).
I would always prefer if she was feeling low or sad, so I could then take care of her and make her feel my ‘love’. If she was too happy and confident, I was worried and anxious. Even writing this makes me feel so fucking disgusting. I cannot even remember that guy I was. It was horrible.
I would have sleepovers at her house. After we watch the movie she wanted, and eat chocolates in her room. She would grab me, not wanting me to leave. She desired a cuddle buddy for the night. I would more than happily tuck my sneaky erection under my belt-buckle, and spoon her for the whole night, staying awake incase she needed anything. Also I had to remain conscious to protect her from my erection.
Then 1 day, 2 years later, as we are sitting on the couch watching ‘love-actually’, I would ask her to be my girlfriend as we are just so perfect for each other. Plus she surely owes it to me after all the stuff I have been doing for her.
This is the moment I have thought about for the previous 2 years. Finally, the time is right, as she is SUPER sad after breaking up with her on and off boyfriend/casual sex partner.
I turn to her and inform her I have something I want to say. I make a big deal out of it as she is sitting in her green face-mask, which only makes her more beautiful to me(barf).
“I am in love with you, and I want you to be my girlfriend…”
She is HORRIFIED! OFFENDED! And utterly creeped out that I have felt this way all along without telling her. She feels hideously violated that we have slept many times in the same bed together and I have seen her get undressed.
She starts crying and screams at me. She is shaking. She asks me to get out of her house and not to call her again, and that is it. We never see each other again. When we do, by accident, it is the most horrible gut wrenching and embarrassing feeling in the world.
I am so angry with her. I have put in SO much time for her, and gave he everything she asked for. She has taken advantage of me and is a horrible person, so now I decide all women are cunts. I go online and start learning manipulative pick-up techniques to cover the pain and win this time.
It takes me years to recover.
ALL of this could have been avoided from day 1.
“I like you”.
I have gone through quite a few of these situations back in the day, and I am pretty sure it sounds familiar to you in places. I understand the pain that comes from this way of interacting, and I also understand why men do this.
Confusion, desperation, fear, lack of understanding, and above all; loneliness!
The friend zone guy creates this role for himself, steps into it, and lives it. It is such a disgusting way of interacting. The mentality is “If I do enough stuff for her, she has to repay me with her vagina and heart”.
Love and attraction is not something you barter for. It is in fact MUCH easier and far less effort than what was shared above.
The MAN Friend!
Back to the current day, self-aligned Chris Bale.
I have had many times when I first met a girl, for instance at a social gathering of friends. We were introduced, I was as flirty as per usual, but she would always deflect my ‘charming’ come-ons and sexual advances. We would become friends because I am comfortable with who I am, and above all she TRUSTS me because of my honesty with her. We see each other regularly in group settings and sometimes chill on our own. I am perfectly ok being her friend, as she is a good person and we have fun together. She is passionate about life and interests me. I learn new things from her. But, what do I NEVER do? Stop expressing myself.
I NEVER stop expressing myself!
If I find her attractive, I will always flirt with her and make her feel as sexy and special as I see her. I don’t need any type of confirmation from her; I do as I feel, as I know it is coming from my love. I am not trying to convince or take. It also makes it all much more grounded and detached the fact I am sleeping with other very special women in my life.
I am simply expressing and celebrating what she does, to and for me.
It is very common that eventually, we end up sleeping together. It’s the way the cookie crumbles. Situations align and it is a natural progression. I have never forced anything. I simply be with her. I am always myself. I am always the same person she met from day 1.
I do not base my behavior or expression on her current situation in life. I do not care if she is in a relationship. My intentions are not bad or sinister. I will always flirt with her out of love.
I am coming from my core.
This type of scenario plays out very regularly. I have slept with most of my good friends, and I see no issue with it. With some, I have not, and I may not. Either way it doesn’t matter. It is not my intention to make anything happen EVER. I simply express myself.
The fact I live the rest of my life like this, means I have many options when it comes to the women in my life.
What is bad about sex? This question is always the main culprit of you not expressing your sexuality comfortably and without shame.
Sex is Beautiful!
Many of my female friends will go onto be with long-term boyfriends, maybe even husbands, and that is cool. I am happy for them once they are happy. We will still hang out all the time. Even with the girl’s boyfriend/husband if he is a chill/cool guy. They will invite me round for dinner and I will bring a woman I am currently seeing. It is all completely normal and awesome. Why? Because I have facilitated it to even be an option.
These friends will sometimes be in and out of relationships. When they are not having sex because they have left their boyfriend and they are stressed out, who do they immediately call? ME! Of course, they know I will not judge them, and I will offer support.
In some cases, I will no longer want to be with them sexually, or my situation has changed, but nonetheless, I can still bring them that space to step into. I adore women.
You beautiful, strong bitches make me feel so nourished, supported, and purposeful!
STOP PLACING SO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON NOT OFFENDING PEOPLE!
It will rule your life.
Women should know if you are attracted and drawn to them. Start making it a part of your life’s purpose to speak your truth with women, and everything else in your life.
Everything I teach and share is revolved around simplicity. A man who is internally aligned can achieve a beautiful simplicity in his life when it comes to every aspect of it, right down to the words he uses, and the way he works.
You are awesome underneath all the complication and worries. My job is to help and assist you getting back in touch with your ever-knowing simplicity. To apply for coaching, you can check out the packages I offer via my website, or you can email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org
Be sure to check out my online video course ‘Simplistic Seduction’ also for life changing transformation, which YOU need to commit to!
It’s all about you baby!
Chris Bale's Blog
Founder & Head Coach.