For anyone who has followed me long term, I would like to preface this post with: You know my feeling with regards to the word 'approach'. It is an idiotic word which assumes one must use caution when wanting to go start a fun and sexy interaction with a girl. I much prefer to refer to the initial action as to 'meet' women. It may seem silly, but the underlying way you view and label your actions will and continues to have a huge outcome on your way of being. In this case, the word 'approach' is being used to allow guys who need this information arrive on this page. If you are one of those guys, welcome. I encourage you to read as much as you can on my website, in order to begin detaching from the bullshit you, and we all, have been taught.
So there seems to be 2 main ways guys attempt to "be" in order to get girls.
The first, is being the guy who wants to fuck girls. Upfront. Straightforward. Doesn't waste time. The direct pick up alpha guy.
The second is the man who befriends women. Thinking it will eventually escalate in the way he wants it to. It doesn't.
In both cases, they are individually very good qualities to have. But, when it becomes all you have, it is one sided and lacking delicate diversity.
In my own experience, combining 2 of these ways of being is the most powerful.
For example, when I see a girl I'm drawn to, my first intention is to find out what type of girl she is, who she is, do we vibe together. My first intention is always to befriend her in that second. I commit to nothing.
Before, I used to commit to the whole process before even speaking to the girl, which of course, caused huge amounts of anxiety.
If asked what I think is guys main problem when it comes to meeting women easily and effortlessly in a fun way...it is that you are WAY too committed to a complete stranger. You are going over asking for something. Expecting something. Needing something. If you could just begin committing way less initially, it will begin to become very easy and enjoyable for both you AND the girl.
I never see a woman and think "I'm going to fuck you" or the equally popular "I want to fuck you". I don't even know who she is. Before, this never mattered to me. Now, I have deeper standards in myself and others. The result, zero initial commitment to a pretty stranger.
Now, my only concern is befriending loads of girls, because as I am doing so, I am metaphorically holding my erection in my hand, being in my full sexual self. There is no hiding that I am a man who likes sex, and I possibly desire it with her. That is not a bad intention. It is a beautiful, real, natural, and loving intention. As long as you see sex as a bad thing you must hide and whisper about, you will never be as attractive and powerful as you can and are designed to be.
Your relationship to your own sexual desire, demands your ownership. It demands your acceptance. Now.
So, referring to the above when I said "my only concern is befriending loads of girls, because as I am doing so, I am metaphorically holding my erection in my hand, being in my full sexual self" - This results in a MUCH more beautiful sexual dalliances and relationships with women, that are built upon my way of relating to the process. Which is easy going, laid back and a welcoming space for her. You desire to feel her out, see her and know her first. Then you can decide if you want to put your dick inside her. Standards.
Women desire to be feeled out, seen, and known, past the fact she is an awesome piece of physical skin on bone.
I love femininity. I love to roll around in it for a while, before I decide whether I want to be deeper inside her.
That's why, instead of walking over to the beautiful clothes shop assistant today and saying "hey you look really beautiful I wanted to say hi", I chose to never commit to someone or something I haven't experienced first.
Instead, I chose "what's up, you look so damn bored". Of course, the penetration happens in how I say the words. In how I'm enjoying looking her in the eye. How I'm totally accepting of the powerful effect she is having on me. That's what I'm bringing. I need not declare the obvious. Me telling a woman I think she is really sexy is the same as running around screaming "hey everyone, I'm breathing right now". It's obvious. Her response allows me to start experiencing her, and her, me, together, as 2. Moving at a shared pace, rather than you approaching a girl and DOING seduction to and at her. Its all very one sided. No wonder pick-up has such a hard job being successful for men. They completely forget about the woman being a huge role.
In terms of me not speaking my desire right off the bat because I am already very sexually aligned, this may be different for you. Your sexuality may not be so celebrated by you. If you have not already faced it, spoke it, and shared it with others, then it lays dormant and frustrated. It is the motherfucker who causes you heavy emotion daily, as you do not listen to it.
If this is your case, I urge you to spend 2 weeks telling every woman you are sexually drawn to, what about her you find delicious, then walking away. This should not be used to 'get her', but rather to open up your sexual expression and sexual energy. Once that is done, you can only speak it when you feel it is beneficial to the both of you, as in most cases, it is counter productive to the woman. It is counter productive for allowing her be in your presence long enough to learn to like you.
I spent years of speaking of women's beauty right away, on purpose. Only to realize I was blowing myself out, and asking of far too much from her. Slow down pal. Women are shy, unconfident, and dealing with more insecurities and trust issues than you will ever know(unless you have women friends). Have patience and grant them that gift. They will only want to pounce all over you even quicker.
Now, the girl in the clothes shop...who I said "you look really bored" to - Boom, her response, lets me see into who she is, where she is at in this moment, and start to relate with her in a real moment way. Opposed to relating to her in a way I self created first in my own mind...which serves to only pull her out of the current situation.
The reason most guys feel better being all "direct" and shit, is because they fear the process of being in the moment with her. They fear the uncertainty. They need words and structure to grip to, so they label their displays of verbal attraction as "alpha" in order to justify their fear, which many are not even aware of. I see the pattern in all my students who have taken previous pick up boot camps. It is far more nerve-racking for them, when i request they walk over there just to meet her and explore the vibe, WITHOUT stating "Hey I just saw you from over there and your so gorgeous I just had to come and meet you"
Why create a forced scenario for her? To make yourself feel safer, that's why. I know it, i've been through it hundreds of times.
The fact is, we are men. We work differently to women. We desire structure, direction, purpose and conclusion. That's how our energy looks to move. Women can bask in moment by moment expression much more naturally. It need not be directed or going anywhere for them. They enjoy what is happening currently. They immerse in that far easier than us men. So, with that being said, we must learn to strengthen some of our feminine ways of relating. This way we can play in their land, while wielding our powerful masculine sexuality at the same time. The outcome....you already know. (I was slow to publish this paragraph as I do not want you to try and make logic out of this. Read it. Feel it out. Then forget about it. Please)
This summer in Barcelona I saw a well known dating coach from a very big company, walk to a table of girls eating with other friends and family, and COMPLETELY steal from the vibe. Telling her how gorgeous she was and he just had to come and meet her. Guys, assume this is bringing value. It's not. You are bringing nothing with this, other than a cop out.
If you could of felt the awkwardness and uncomfortablility that immersed the table, you may of hurled. He was "like totally super alpha", but at what cost? He crushed and stole the value from the table, for his own gain. He showed zero awareness. It was all about him. And if course after some awkward politeness from the group for a few minutes, he was gifted with a fake number, then they ejected him rather quickly.
How do I know it was fake? Because I said from my table "Ah the old fake number trick right?" - She nodded her head, and they all started laughing. I spoke with that table for 10 minutes, ended up joining them, ended up going out with 3 of the girls later that night, and having an awesome sexual interaction with one. Why and how? Because I didn't blow myself out. Instead I was aware of the vibe, and brought value to it, rather than looking to take from it. I was relatable, relaxed, and completely unapologetic about my desire, which I shared and delivered in a RELATABLE way. Not as a separate moment. I intertwinned my desire with the entire interaction.
I understand that you may not fully understand what I am speaking about, and that is ok. If you are not almost there yet, or lacking in specific experiences, it is harder to fully understand on a physical felt sense level. This is where my 1-1 coaching comes in.
This post is not so much about being indirect vs direct, but rather always being in sexual alignment(direct), and the most powerful way to deliver your sexuality, so that it empowers and serves all involved. This is next level, that not everyone will get right now, but that's ok. You will if you continue your journey. Many guys get angry and frustrated with posts like this, because it triggers so much of where they are currently at, or not at. If you are one of them, accept, and move forward. Drop the ego, and open to further exploration.
Patience. Awareness. Empathy.
Why not stop being an avoidant pussy, and dive into the abys of uncertainty, with her. In that way, you are both raw. You are both in new, uncharted territory. Every time I use the word pussy to call men out, there is always a comment from an emotionally butt-hurt man, telling me how its unfair to call men pussies, and its not a respectful behavior from a coaching figure. FUCK THAT shit. I wish more men were honest with me when I was confused and insecure. This is not time for political correctness. I wish more men would have cut me off and confronted me, out of love and a deep respect, which is what my intention is for you.
Man, stop being a fucking pussy. You are so much stronger than this. You are a fucking Lion. But here you are, reading about how to talk to pretty girls, because you are afraid of them. Its ridiculous. But hey, someone has got to share and teach this stuff.
Go in unplanned. Say whatever you see, feel or notice, but please be relatable to her current life situation. Be a charming and fun add-on to her current experience. Want to experience and explore her. Don't steal it from her to create a scenario you NEED to feel comfortable. Instead focus on the deeper issue...being comfortable with being uncomfortable. Every girl you 'approach' is being tossed into an unplanned situation from her point of view. That's difficult and very unappealing for both of you. Quit making it so hard for everyone.
This is where all the deeply sexual and loving connections really happen. In the 2 of you getting to know each other in the uncertainty.
Walk over with nothing other than your intention to experience and explore, together.
It's scary as fuck at first. But it will free you and liberate you.
Make a choice. Drop the rules. Be real.
I encourage you to be friendly with girls. Be super friendly. Invite them places. Tell them nice things. Real things. But NEVER lose grip of your cock. Wield your power proudly and with awareness, respect, and empathy. Stay connected. Always. Living in this way, you can relax into yourself, and become a truly happy and full man, opening women with a deep love and and even deeper knowing/understanding...everywhere you go!
If you would like to start your transformation to open up to your own freedom, make sure to check out my range of different coaching and mentoring packages HERE. Or maybe my Online Video Course may suit your situation better.
Chris Bale's Blog
Founder & Head Coach.