One of the biggest complaints from my female friends when they are talking about their dating life is “He’s boring”!
So many men are afraid of their sexuality and their own power, they are unable to interact and play with women in a polarizing way. When I say ‘play with women’, I do not mean this in a manipulative light. I mean dancing in a polarizing way.
What do women sit in beautifully? Emotion. Remember this!
When men talk to men, we do so logically for the most part. We hop from question to question, arriving at conclusion after conclusion. After all, the point of the question is to come to an ending or a conclusion. We can then start up the next topic to conquer.
As men, we have an innate internal code that moves us down the path of purposeful conquering.
This is all fine when we interact with fellow males, but if you bring this singular focus to the feminine, you will bore her. We must be expansive and feeling to entice her powerfully dynamic femininity.
Men want to plan and think, while women want to FEEL.
Getting a woman’ s attention is as easy as saying hello. Keeping her attention, this is where the trouble starts.
Guiding the rollercoaster
My job when I interact with a woman is to first, see where she is at internally in terms of her mood. Once I have established this, I then begin to change her mood, NOT her mind. Again, logical is not needed. This can be done as easily as just holding eye contact after saying Hi, and leaving silence. Her emotional state will come to the surface immediately in that moment. You gave her space combined with some pressure.
You will know instantly if she is open or closed. Confused or uncomfortable. Nervous or happy. All in that second.
Women desire and bask in emotional fluctuation and a secure uncertainty of what this guy is going to do next.
A secure uncertainty is beautiful. The security comes from her feeling your solidarity in who you are. She feels your strength and trusting relationship, which you have built with yourself. This allows her to trust in your ability to handle, host, and lead this.
The uncertainty is the fiery element which you posses. This comes from a man who listens to his instincts and intuition. A man who does not plan out every event, but instead follows his own storm, guided by his edge. He is open to everything. Including booking a flight to morocco 4 hours before it takes off, because why not, it could be fun. (This is a simple example. Spontaneity)
This does not mean I am advising you to become a crazy unbalanced schizophrenic person who cannot be read. Instead I want you to start listening to what your gut tells you, and trust enough to listen to it in the majority of cases.
Ok, so what I don’t want to do right now, is to spout some bullshit about techniques to keep your woman interested, which then could be published in Marie Clair magazine. Stuff that I don’t even do. All I can talk about in this instance is what I do, or how I BE with women.
I never try to hold their attention! There you go. That’s it. The cat is out of the bag.
Seriously, I never EVER ‘try’ to do anything with a woman. I never try to hold her attention and stop her getting bored. My litmus test for life is: “does this feel good to me right now, or does this feel not right for me?”
I listen to how I feel, and proceed accordingly. I do what I want, when I want, how I want. If she is right for me and resonates with me, then she will come along with that and will enjoy/support it. If she is not inline with me, then she will not.
THIS is when guys assume they are not good enough, so they buy a new ‘how to pick-up-women’ book, and find out how to lie about themselves in order to keep the woman around and attracted.
What does this way of relating state? “I am so needy and empty, that I am not enough for her, so I must change myself to get her to like me”.
I mean, sure, you can do that, and it will work for a little amount of time. But eventually you will drop the ball, the real you will be exposed, and she will leave. This ends in you hating yourself even more.
Stop trying to keep her! She does not want you to have to try.
When I initially go and talk to a woman and let her know I am possibly interested in her, I am aware of internal self.
She knows from the moment I speak to her I am not like the others. This does not mean every woman wants me. Hell no! If anything, the responses are far more polarizing. She will either think I am super fucking weird (my sense of humor is very dry), or she will REALLY be interested and resonate with me. Those are the women I want in my life.
I will never change myself in order to please the women who do not get me. If I were to do that, it would involve hanging out with a person who bored me to tears. Fuck that!
The social Norm
What do girls expect from men when they start talking to them?
Predictability and the same interview questions, such as where are you from, what do you do, and how long have you been doing it for. It is a part of 90% of interactions no doubt.
The hilarious thing is, why do you ask those questions and behave that way? It is for the woman right? Which also makes no sense.
You are bored asking them, she is bored answering them. All you both want is some playful and flirty interaction. The above method of interaction is NOT going to achieve this. It forces her to instantly lump you into the same box as every other disconnected man who has approached her in the past. She may stay and talk to be socially polite. But that is it.
Everyone is so scared of each other and not being accepted. This results in not expressing your true self, which is your most attractive self.
To have someone else attracted to you in any way other than physical, there must be something for her to grab onto about you. If you behave like a socially acceptable robot of blandness, there is nothing!
Even if she wants to like you, she cannot.
What you assume to be weird about you is probably your most endearing and attractive quality. When you own yourself and celebrate yourself by sharing YOU with others, many women will simply adore you.
I asked a girl I recently slept with “No need to get deep right now, but why did you go home with me and not that other guy who you were speaking to the entire night?”
- “I don’t know. I didn’t feel like going with him. He asked me lots. I went with you because you are silly and make me laugh, and the fact you kept holding my hand and trying to kiss me even after I said no like 1000 times. It is honest and oddly endearing. I felt like I wanted to be with you more. It’s easy and fun”
As an example of how stupid I am, yesterday I walked up to a girl in the middle of Barcelona and asked her to pull my finger. Why? Because she was beautiful, looked very angry, and to ME, the intention was to change her mood, plus it was going to be hilarious. If she does not want it, is irrelevant. I’m here to give. Her reaction was irrelevant.
Turns out she had a super awesome personality and opened straight up. My internal freedom granted her permission to be herself. Of course there are girls who think I am weird or do not know how to be in my space, and they walk away pretty immediately. Who cares? Really.
When you enter an interaction in a fake/self-avoidant way, you generate that space for her to step into and it fucking SUCKS!
The women who have chemistry with you, want you to cut the bullshit and be connected to yourself enough to show up real. Being polite, socially correct, and automatically raising your voice octave upon meeting her, is going to make you tremendously forgettable. You become a fearful talking head, unable to offer her excitement and freedom.
We all want to be free. We all want to be able to truly express who we are in a comfortable space, and to be liked and accepted for it.
Just like everything else, you must be the first to pull up your socks and bring this way of being to the table. If you want to experience an overwhelming sexual freedom in a woman, you must come real FIRST!
Since dropping into my own internal freedom, it has been the most attractive quality for the women I engage with (lovers and/or friends). I am talking about girls who play huge amounts of games with other men, and wrap them around their finger. These women will and have used sex as a weapon, withholding it from their partners as punishment, or waiting a certain amount of dates before sleeping with a guy. I know because they have shared many past stories with me.
Why have they engaged this way? Because the men showed up sitting in the role which caused her walls and games to be triggered. Her offered her a game to play, so she accepted.
These women, when with me, are so beautifully free, as I give them no other option. If they did not want freedom, they would not be seeing me again, as my role does not support ay weak manipulative behavior. It’s pretty simple to apply when you gain some clarity.
It does happen sometimes that the woman is not ready for the level of freedom I come with. They experience it for a while, and it causes them to question everything else. Some use this in an awesome way, and others leave and put their head back in the sand of society and bad sex. Or, they have enough of it. Too much truth can do strange things to blind people. I know this as I have been there, and I also see it in my clients who come through my coaching and mentoring programs. When everything they have known to be true collapses around them, resistance occurs.
We are all ready for different things at different times.
Again, you should never TRY to hold a woman’s attention. Stay focused on walking your path. You know you have found an amazing woman, when she calls you out for falling off your path. Be grateful for her awareness. Be thankful she demands to be with a man who is at his best. This woman makes a powerful partner. But like everything, you must be ready.
Many men will blow it by reacting from ego and pride. She will leave. I know this as I have experienced this in my journey numerous times. I really feel like I have learned my lessons now. (Touch wood)
When I desire, respect and adore a woman, I want to express this to her. Using my words is the last port of call. Your actions speak much louder.
If it is 1 night or 1 year, I enjoy appreciating a woman who gives me her femininity in its fullest.
This means I will do things like planning interesting dates, or romantic/sexy situations. The sex will be always changing to some degree and be seen as an exploration of our journey together. It will be caring and gentle, combined with rough and totally unexpected.
What does this do? It affects her on an emotional level. It keeps her fluctuating within a healthy drama.
When you can apply planned and healthy drama (the opposite of being lazy), you will not need pointless & negative drama (arguing blindly) to keep the dynamic sparky and on its toes.
As the man, it is your job to host her emotionally, and to do this with some level of understanding. No games are needed, and this should be emanating from love.
I have many past articles on this blog, which are very practical in keeping women’s attention via creative actions.
Again, never ‘try’ to hold her attention and interest. You need not strive for anything. To do so means you are forgetting your own path and purpose. Stay focused on that, and reward her if she supports this within you.
If you would like to transform your understanding and life in this area, to live the life you have always wanted with women, then check out my coaching packages on my website, or email me at email@example.com
Chris Bale's Blog
Founder & Head Coach.