There are 2 types of women on this planet: The women who are open to you at this specific moment in time, and the women who are not open to you at this specific moment in time. In reality that’s all there is. There is no need to make it confusing. To do so, is a conscious choice to waste energy.
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In order to experience the most beautiful elements of the feminine, we must, as men, be able to cut through the unnecessary superficial bullshit of niceties, and meet her at her core. The core here is basically who she sees herself as, and how she relates to her internal and external life.
This is how to delve into and connect with everyone.
Connection is not what you do, but is all about how you BE.
What is connection?
The word connection is used in many cases to describe a phase of an interaction, and I urge you to make this description void. Connection is not something you DO to a woman. It is something you both share, and is heavily dictated by both individuals’ connections to themselves.
If you are not connected to your own emotions first, the aspect of connecting to another person will be a difficult experience. The word connection in my own experience means that: To connect your authentic end to her authentic end. The more honest both of you are, the deeper and stronger the energetic wires of connection will be.
Women want to be penetrated energetically, physically and mentally.
In essence, that’s it.
The way you move through your own life dictates many things.
A lot of people who find it difficult to ‘connect’ with others go and learn more practical tools to achieve the chosen goal of ‘connection’.
The problem here is that in most cases the individual only wants to connect to a woman, in order to get something from her, so the vibe and space created is not a safe one. Instead it is pushy and fake. If you have at any point of your life practiced pick-up-artist tactics, then you have been creating this space without a doubt.
This state of being alongside your intentions do NOT facilitate connection.
To facilitate connection, you have to first be open/honest about yourself with her, combined with a GENUINE curiosity for her as an individual. If you just want to get your dick wet and avoid all the scary upfront openness, then you will get the ‘scraps’ of life in every aspect. Behaving in this manner is lined to avoiding your own power and refusing to step into your integrity. You will only resonate with those who are in the same closed and needing state as you.
These people operate like terrified parasites, needing. It is not his or her fault, as society raises us to relate to the ‘rate-race’ of life as such. It’s a ‘dog eat dog’ world so we are told. I call fucking bullshit on that one!
Once you get real with yourself and begin to speak honestly about who you are (flaws and all), what you want, and what you think, the floodgates begin to open. I assure you of this.
The space you create for her will be safe, as you have went there first in yourself. You have weathered your own storm.
On practical terms, here is some basic, obvious, and powerful advice when it comes to connecting to others.
Set/know your intentions
What are your intentions for this woman?
What are your intentions for women?
What are your intentions for the day?
What are your intentions in the way you live your life?
There is no difference in importance levels, between your intentions with women and life. See every facet of who you are as an opportunity to get really clear on where you stand and how you show up in every way.
The more clarity you have, the more you can gift her.
Do you want to have really quick sex with her and move on to experience another girl? That is fine. It’s not bad if it is what you want, and you UNDERSTAND why you want it. OWN IT, and make no fucking apology for it.
Most people only do what they have been told is right for them by somebody else. It’s similar to leaving a drunk baby drive a Ferrari.
Men feel so guilty for having this type of intention and urge, because society has told them it is a bad thing. YOU know what is best for YOU. Listen to you. Period!
If your intention is to really connect with each other and share something with the possibility of long term shared company, then perfect. That is awesome.
The point I am making, is once you are a good person at your core and you mean well, and you bring love to the table, then you can have whatever intentions ring through for you.
I have spent years sleeping with hundreds of women in quick succession. It is what I wanted to do, and it brought up many aspects of myself I really needed to work on and question. I had the pleasure of meeting and experiencing some of the most vibrant human beings I have ever laid my eyes on. They broke me many times and called for me to cut the shit and show up real. I am eternally greatful for this part of my life.
Then, I calmed it all down and went into lots of internal focus.
Now, I am sharing the awesome company of many women, but it is coming from a COMPLETELY different place. It is coming from a full place, and a self reliant place. I have become much clear on who I am, my purpose, and that which resonates with me. It has allowed me to continue to simplify and build clarity.
This has only occurred due to exploration of my intentions, and WHY my current intentions were what they were. What did they really say about me?
Be extreme and push the envelope and perceived notion of who you think you are. Being trapped in boxes will do you no justice in your own journey. Step into the fear and lean into your edge as a man.
The one thing I stand by is the fact I share no negative or unresolved drama with any woman I have been with previously. I could call any of them right now, and we would have a friendly, fun, and honest interaction. This is a result of being open and honest about who I am and my intentions when connecting with her and to her. The space was created. The space was solid and safe, without any confusion.
Sure many women I have had to let go whom I loved very much. These are the difficult times when you must hold integrity, stay true to you, and see when she wants to be with you in a way, which you cannot facilitate for her. In my case, this is being exclusively monogamous with a sense of ownership over another.
Is this set in stone for life? Of course not! I am open to whatever arises. I am always open to rearranging my rules on what I want. I have changed them many times before, BUT this has been for me, not on the behalf of another persons request.
Continue to listen inwards.
Creating a solid space without confusion is a huge part of knowing who you are, and being clearly decisive. This inspires women to open to you, without any other bells and whistles. She will feel this emanating from you.
So yeah…get clarity, and move in that path with integrity.
This is very practical, and something I speak of regularly. One of the socially easiest ways of connecting the internal to the external is through your eyes.
When a woman is speaking to you, listen and gift her the space to share herself with you. Look at her in the eye and bring your awareness to the lower half of your body. This will help ground you. Primarily bring your awareness to your positive pole (penis).
Holding good eye contact really roots you in the present moment with another person. It makes her feel listened to, and encourages her to open even more to you.
Allow her speak
Such a prominent issue is when men are communicating with women, and he continues to cut her off midway through her sentence or statement, just so he can jump in and do more talking about himself or things he has experienced. This is perfectly ok to do in other times, mainly when she has finished speaking.
When you continuously cut her off, it is similar to punishing her for talking and sharing. You create a dynamic where she will not enjoy being in. It will be very one sided.
Allow her FINISH. The connection will continue to deepen the more she invests into the shared dynamic. Give her that space and hold presence.
It was either Casanova or Don Juan who said that “3/4s of seduction is curiosity”, and I agree!
Being genuinely curious about a woman is incredibly attractive to her. We all want to feel special and like we take up some space on this earth. Being genuinely curious about her allows her to feel this.
Curiosity is the greatest compliment.
I always say I am endlessly curious about women who inspire me. There must be a reason I am drawn to her, so my intention is to find out why. It is to find out what makes her who she is.
Your main focus when communicating with a woman is not to engage logically with her, but instead engage emotionally.
I want to know why she does what she does, and how she FEELS when she does the things she is passionate about. Her little unconscious expressions and movements are what make me melt and desire her even more.
Seeing a woman swept up in a beautiful emotion of happiness and excitement, when she gleefully expresses something she loves and holds dear, is the most attractive thing to me.
I am not telling you that you must feel and interact the same way as me. We are all attracted to an array of subtle qualities. Allow yourself to celebrate and be in them when they come up.
There is no right and wrong. Just what FEELS right to you! Follow that.
Share who you are
As mentioned above, connection needs 2 points of contact in order to connect and meet.
You are the opposite point.
It is essential that she knows you, or at least something about who you are and what your own role is in life. Once she feels this from you, then she can begin to see how and where you could fit into her life or current experience. This is how human beings assess each other on a whole.
“How does this person fit?”
You must also do the same with her, and how she applies to your life. If you are just 2 people looking to take, in order to feel better about yourselves, that’s fine, it will work, and the desired outcome will occur, which wont be favorable, until you switch from needing to take, to that of giving.
This is why, when a man who only wants to take, interacts with a woman who has a deep sense of herself and her power, never stands a chance with her.
The woman will eat him up and spit him out. She doesn’t need anything, and he only wants to ‘get’. He serves nothing positive in her life of giving/sharing. He only wants and needs.
Be clear on the qualities you want in another person, and then actively look for these. Not everyone will be in alignment. Accept this, and move on when you feel it. Otherwise you disrespect yourself, and become manipulative and dishonest with the woman.
Having deep connections with women is the most nourishing and growth-enhancing thing you can do. This can be with women who you are not sexually attracted to also. This is not a tactic reserved just for women you want to fuck.
This is for you, and for life. Start creating space for people to step into. Your life will change, and others will too.
If you would like to start your transformation to open up to your own freedom and abundant success with women, make sure to check out my range of different coaching and mentoring packages HERE. Or maybe my Online Video Course may suit your situation better.
Chris Bale's Blog
Founder & Head Coach.