I encourage men to speak their truth, but more importantly to feel their truth, and to be ok with it. Wear your truth, like a brand new impeccably fitted designer suit that is unique to you.
What guys quickly notice(who begin to show up and start committing to excellence in their life), is that their truth begins to change the more they speak it and try it on. The reason seems to be because the initial truth was wrapped up in so much fear and apprehension.
Your truth changes. Follow it. Express it.
Years ago, my pattern began with first becoming comfortable expressing my desire for women verbally, as I was terrified as being seen as a 'creep'. I had to face that first, along with all of the social and sexual conditioning which would cause resistance in me, by starting to blatantly express myself as a sexual being. A man, with a cock. A man who likes women.
I did this for a long time, and the fear started to fade. Self acceptance and self worth started to rise.
As the self-accepting feeling got more intense, the verbals became much less important, as I started to accept my truth on a much deeper level. The way women began to respond to me also changed...a lot.
Now, these days, I rarely if EVER stop a woman and tell her how beautiful she is.
There is a few reasons for this, but NONE of them are because I am attempting to get something from her.
The reasons are all for and about ME, and what feels REAL to me at that specific moment or point in my own evolution.
Firstly, interrupting someone with nothing else except for the obvious and high expecting phrase of something along the lines of "you're gorgeous", started to become very boring and bland to me.
Of course she is beautiful physically. She knows it and I know it. But It began to stop ME from connecting with girls. It would force ME to be lazy in the rest of my being.
My truth was shifting, I became stale, as I was not growing with the growth of my own internal value. I was repeating the same ol' shit. It held no real value on an amotional level to me, which in turn instantly effected the woman.
I also noticed that interrupting a beautiful girl with the desire to tell her she is beautiful actually had nothing to do with her, and all about my own ego. It would also have girls who would of otherwise been really interested in me(after spending a little more time in my company), throw their walls of uncomfortability up infront of me straight away as the 'pressure' was too high right off the bat.
It made it difficult for her to allow herself to be in my presence and experience me initially, when I came asking for so much, so confidently.
Newsflash: Women are not confident. Not many of us are. Please understand this and become relatable to the humans around you, rather than smashing into an interaction like a bull in a china shop. Be human. Understand humans.
I didn't know this at the time logically. But I felt it. I felt it In my soul. I was being pretty dumb, out of sheer 'fuck everyone i'm confident' mindsets. Many of these mindsets are drilled into guys who study pick-up material. "Just be a man and tell her what you want straight away, because thats direct and girls want guys who are direct and go for what they want". Sure, I agree with most of it, except there is one drastically important word they left out...empathy!
Women want a man with all the above qualities...but sprouting and growing from a foundation of intelligent human empathy. Aka being emotionally relatable and sensitive to the world around you.
A great leader/seducer has huge intelligence in his ability to relate to the other persons experience within the current situation, so he can deliver the best experience, and share the most important aspects of who he is, in different servings, at different times.
For example, last night I met up with a girl. I could tell she had a low energy and sad day by her heavy energy levels. She was glum, bored in herself, and very down.
I adjusted the sexual experience to offer her the space to feel nourished, excited, and to feel invigorated.
I pulled her hair, spanked her, choked her(safely), tied her up, and fucked her deeply and emotionally. Then...as she lay in a sweaty/moaning heap of release, I held her, and delivered a sensitive, gentle, loving and secure space for her. It allowed her to melt. 10 minutes before I was getting her to scream "im your dirty little slut" as she reached orgasm with a blindfold and hand ties securely fastened.
After, she was like a different girl, shining more beautiful. I connected deeper to her, and my affection towards her grew as her femininity became like a fucking rainbow. I know...SUPER gay metaphor huh?
So, to clarify, you do not have one way of expressing. Every human is different. Give yourself and her the best opportunity for you both to learn how to like each other. Empathy and awareness.
Now...back to blatantly speaking your physical attraction for a woman upon meeting her...Sure, it has huge merit for a guy who is just starting out in the land of women and self expression, but anything after that, can be HUGELY counterintuitive on a deep level, to you actually allowing another female get to experience you for a prolonged amount of time..
Note: This is not an encouragement in anyway to be 'indirect', sneaky or manipulative in your life. It is the opposite. Be in your truth and what is real for you. I can walk up to a girl and say "hey...whats up" and have it be the most sexually direct thing she has felt in a long time. The catch is, I am not idiotically committing to her, nor am I asking for ANYTHING right away.
I don't even fucking know her. My first job, is to explore the chemistry we might have, and see if we could fit well. That's it. This is right for ME. This is what is true for ME. Your truth may be somewhere completely different. The point of this article is to encourage you to find it.
Understand that it wasn't like this before.
It changed, when my FEELING towards what I was expressing changed. Once I got bored and felt restricted in my own form of limited expression, so did the people I met.
I started to fall into a pitt of confusion. "This cant be all there is?" I used to ask myself. It began to feel like a game. I didn't like it. "I have SO MUCH MORE to bring to her and life than a compliment about her looks", i would think.
Talking to women stopped being enjoyable for me. "whats the point?" I thought.
After some seclusion and some deep internal analysis, I started to understand that I was actually being selfish. I was no longer speaking my truth, instead I was saying words I thought I had to say, you know, to be a man. I was not having fun. I was no longer bringing any of my value to her or the world.
When myself, and 1 or 2 other coaches I vouch for say "express yourself, say what is real", it really does mean express YOURSELF, as you are being, in that particular moment. Anything other than that is not real.
That could be as simply and obvious as "hey...why are you smiling so much? is it because I'm wearing tight jeans?" hahaha (I am laughing because Thats the first thing that came into my being when I saw a gorgeous Ukrainian girl earlier today...so I said it...BOOM...value...flirting....giggling...connection....ease...comfort....intrigue...it 'just happened'...i gave her a playful and pressure free space to decide whether or not she wanted to explore me more. She did. Some don't. That is life. But I am NEVER asking for anything. I already assume it's on if she is choosing to stay with me.)
Some guys truth is at the point of being fearful towards girls and awkward about the fact they like girls. If you are here, then your truth must be expressing your desire for femininity and individual women. Not to get a specific set of responses from her(it doesnt matter), but to begin living as fully outed heterosexual.
Most men are closet heterosexuals. Fearful to embrace and share their straight desires. It's quite amusing.
Once you become ok with this....that is when YOU rise to the surface. That is when your deepest core values begin to overflow in the form of your integrity to a live a life that is in complete alignment with yourself.
Now in my life, my truth is much different than it was before, and that is ok, because all of this is a process of growth. A process of evolution to a much simpler, happier and clearer way of living. Everything gets more effortless.
Now my truth is FUN. Sexual playfulness. Easiness.
Generally, everyone takes everything so seriously.
I see the humour in everything. I always have. Deep down. I just didnt always know it.
WHY the hell was I not sharing that element of freedom with the women I was meeting. I was bringing it to everyone else, except for the women I was meeting.
Now, 9 times out of 10, I am chuckling to myself and shaking my head as I am walking over to a woman I want to speak with and explore.
I chuckle from deep in my truth at the sheer hypocrisy of everything.
I am chuckling, because I am aware of the ridiculousness of our fears, directly attached to others opinions and judgements of us. Really, how silly is it that people design their entire lives to please others and to be seen as favourable. Lives are ruined.
I am chuckling because I am aware of how ridiculous I may seem to this other human being I am about to meet.
I am chuckling because I am aware of just how ridiculous the words I am about to say to her are: "Did you buy your pants in the pants store?"....and just how funny and purposefully lame this is to me. (it never matters what you say, but how you feel when you say it, and how you actually speak it. That is all that matters. Not the content)
I am also aware just how amazingly feminine she is. This makes me happy. This fills me with love, appreciation, and MISCHIEF to play, regardless of what happens.
I am chuckling at the hillariously tragic nature of life, and the large possibility of her completely ignoring my existence as a man, and how much apprehension that instils in me.
It's idiotic. So idiotic its hillarious.
I am chuckling to myself at the mere fact ANYONE would take this life too seriously, when none of us are escaping alive.
I am chuckling at the fact we all live in elements of fear everyday, yet we are all starving for human connection.
I am amused about all of this before I even say hello to her, sharing my vulnerability, and inviting her to share hers back, so we can both just cut the shit, and have the fun we want, before we become dust.
We all want the same things.
Internal Freedom. To be seen. To be loved. To be heard. To be felt. To be experienced and to experience others. To laugh. To be happy. To deserve.
We all want the same things. But you must show up first. You must extend that offer, continuously through life. You must show up with the understanding that this human likes you, but you need to create a space where they can find that out for themselves, comfortably.
I want to finish by asking you NOT to copy my progression of truth. We all have our own. Dont attempt to be or communicate like me, when you will be SO much more attractive when you start communicating as YOU!
My job and income basically comes from having your back. I got your back. Are you ready to be real...for you?
Thank you for having the commitment to read all of this, and to hopefully apply in your life.
Until next time, your friend,
Commit to excellence in your life from this point forward, and start your deep transformation NOW!...by checking out my wide range of different coaching and mentoring options HERE. Or maybe the ELITE GROUP may suit your situation better. See you on the inside!
Chris Bale's Blog
Founder & Head Coach.