I have been getting many emails recently from men who have been through teachings of these new waves of 'pick-up but not pick-up' camps that are popping up more and more everywhere. The men are left confused and watered down, not really sure what they went though, after the initial 'love ride' has calmed down and being told 'this is completely different'.
I would like to preface this by saying 'spirituality' and love....comes from, lives and breathes in your ability to sit in, and generate sexual energy. It is born from your comfort within that energy. What is being seen as 'spiritual' in todays world, is pink fluffy candyfloss reating. Fearful at its core.
A lot of 'new agey' people teach behind blankets and illusions of 'oh so spiritual' and 'everything is so beautiful all the time'. I am not saying one 'way' is right and the other is wrong, because there is no such thing, but after many years of coaching men and going through my own growth, I am offering my own option on all of this.
Some will say give simply to give and to make everyone around you feel wonderful...which is then sold as a way to get good results with women. As I said, many men arrive to me watered down, afraid of their own sexuality and urges.
It is an even deeper rabbit hole than the rest of the guys who own up and say "I dont feel good enough, so I want to learn tricks to get women into bed". At least the latter are honest, and not piling on layers of internal lies and self deception.
It is much more honest to admit that you are indeed giving, to get external results. Sure, the OUTCOME can be detached from. But you are doing a specific thing, for a desired manifestation which is in direct alignment with what you want your life and experiences to look like.
I would like to suggest NOT to give anything. But instead, share who you are and what you WANT, with the women you desire and WANT.
Yeah, your a man. You like girls, and newsflash...you wanna fuck them with your penis too. You also might want that to develop into a deeper love and exploration of each other. You want to ravish women. They make you feel all types of things, and you like it. But...you hide it. Dont you? If not, great, you don't need to continue reading.
Many guys will tell me they love women. My response is usually "then why dont the women you encounter know you love women?" - Easy, you are not showing up, and you are not speaking what is REAL for you.
If you want beautiful women in your life, and you want women to be attracted to you; wanting to have amazing sex and share love with you, then you must bring ALL of that first. Stop keeping yourself a secret. They must know you want all this....otherwise how do you ever expect for them to know you are the right man for them?
I want to encourage you to not feel bad about desiring women, and expressing those desires and SHARING them. If you are giving them out just to be the guy who gives all the love, you have deeper issues. That is really coming from a damaged and fearful place. I know, the irony. It's basically the 'Nice-Guy 3.0" upgraded and even sneakier version. Its gross.
What you gotta realise is that you walking over to a woman, and celebrating her beauty, naturally has NOTHING to do with her. It has EVERYTHING to do with you, and whether you have given yourself the permission and push to show up, and speak what is real for you, even if it is a bit scary at first.
Again, this is not about making anyone feel wonderful, except yourself. Realise, you are selfish. There, I said it! You selfish asshole! There is nothing you can do about it. Every human being is, so get over it.
We are here to fend for ourselves and to be our own best versions. I dont care how you behave, at the core, you want only what is best for you first and foremost. Then, if you feel good about your own life, you will want others to feel good about theirs, and maybe even do some things to help. The people who dont feel worthy, will GIVE and GIVE and GIVE, pretending they dont want anything in return. This is bullshit. See what happens to that man who doesnt get his efforts returned. He will be the guy standing on a clock-tower with a rifle killing a square full of people. I know, that is a bit extreme, but it is the reality.
Allow yourself to be ok with wanting what you want, and grow the balls to go for it.
(obviously if/when you have offspring, this pecking order may shift)
You must be selfish. The word has been tarnished by a society full of people who want you to stay scared and live in mediocrity with them. If they see you pushing ahead and carving out your own life, they call you 'selfish' in the hopes of bringing you back down.
Expressing what you WANT is also sharing the deepest parts of yourself with the world, including your desire...which IS the gift you are giving. Women want to be with men who feel wonderful about who they are, and about the fact the woman in front of them adds to how wonderful they are feeling.
No need to be the holier-than-thou good hearted samaritan, as that is really coming from a place of severe self worth issues, refusing to connect with your masculine edge, incase the outside judge you.
When you have the need for everyone around you to be smiling, you are in trouble. Instead, focus on YOU feeling wonderful first, and sharing that with everyone. The people you come into contact with you will feel that oozing from you. That is the real gift. It's not what you are doing anymore, but is is who you are being.
Commit to excellence in your life from this point forward, and start your deep transformation NOW!...by checking out my wide range of different coaching and mentoring options HERE. Or maybe the ELITE GROUP may suit your situation better. See you on the inside!
Chris Bale's Blog
Founder & Head Coach.