The Following post is to be used simply as reference points and way to self enquire: What is your love? What is your value? What do you have to offer her? What do you have to offer the world?
When I refer to ‘speaking your truth’, many guys assume that means “tell her you think she is hot”. This is NOT the case… unless that is all you feel.(which is totally fine, once it is real)
In many cases, my love, my desire, my appreciation for her, is in my mischief. My value is shared through my own humour and acceptance of my sexuality as a man. That’s what I bring to woman first and foremost.
Today I was with one of my female friends(ex lover) at a cafe, who is stunningly gorgeous and lives a life of being leered at from the moment she leaves her house, to the moment she re-enters. In the short 2 minute window where I went to use the bathroom, a man in the cafe approached her and said “Excuse me, I saw you while I was drinking my coffee. You are really pretty, what’s your name?”.
She politely engaged him, then quickly told him I was her boyfriend as I was arriving back.
I asked her why she wasnt into him, and she said(This is so good that I stopped her mid way through to borrow a pen to take it down. This is some powerful advice)
“Telling me I’m pretty or referring to my physical beauty is too easy, what else does he have? Is that all he is willing to bring to the table? Why would he bring himself so bland and actually make it feel like I must WORK to be in the conversation and carry his nervous ass? It doesn’t feel like something I want to be in, it feels gross and pressure filled. Hes clearly not comfortable with whats going on, so why should I? It feels difficult, and forced, and if im honest, he doesnt even know me, so all he wants right now is to use me as a masturbatory aid and will pretend to like what I say, when really I know he isnt even listening. He's busy thinking about what to do next. Iv been through this so many times, like everyday, that I know where the guy is coming from before he even opens his mouth. I respect that it takes balls to approach me in public like this, but put yourself in my shoes, every day. Im so tired of having to be polite and friendly to not hurt this fragile dudes ego. Its frustrating. Why cant he not decide that he wants to fuck me right away? Why cant he just kind of like me, because he doesnt know me yet and he has standards so he wants to see what I got, what I am all about. Why cant he be curious AND attracted? Im fine with that and i love it.
The reality is, now I must deal with some man telling his buddies how much of a stuck up bitch I am because I didn’t gift him something for his flaccid efforts. Why should I owe him anything for that? I dont want him to make an effort. I just want him to be ok with getting to know me. Like what you did when we met”
Holy fuck, right! That is a lot, and I wish I could of heard this 10 years ago. It would of cut my understanding time in half.
Now, some guys may think this is a bit shitty of her, but you MUST put yourself in her shoes. She(and pretty much most other moderately to very attractive women) get this all day everyday. It even makes her more insecure, and feel as though guys don’t give a fuck about the type of person she is, or what she is good at and worked hard at. It is important for men who are looking to communicate deeper with women to really put themselves in the shoes of the feminine.
She has been with me on many occasions when I initiated interactions with women I was drawn to. She laughs and says that I bring my “playful sexiness and charm” with me, which allows the girl to have fun and enjoy the process of learning to like me.
The thing is it doesn’t feel like you are trying to widdle your way into her panties. Instead you just kind of show up throwing your weird awesome sauce of no-fucks. You become intriguing immediately. You are having fun, you are entertaining yourself, you like yourself to some degree, but...you are also not hiding the fact you are interested in her. You are not governed by her response, which is what I say in pretty much every article I write.
For example, the first I met her, was in a food store. I didn’t even remember what happened as it was months ago, but she has never forgotten and reminded me.
“You walked up to me in the frozen food section and said ‘pssst, hey... pretty person… do these jeans make my butt look big?”(i have a tiny ass)
After a minute of joking, I was trying to get her to teach me how to twerk in the frozen food section.
She is fucking beautiful, but I would much rather have FUN with a beautiful woman than have a serious and boring-as- fuck conversation of smoothness with her.
Do not imitate me, or anybody else. Bring your truth, but not as a technique to get her to like you. What is your truth in that moment? Share it, and it will begin to refine the more you bring it. You cannot refine it until you get over the fear of speaking it first. Speak it everywhere and all the time. The authentic self will emerge quickly.
Fun first....connection/seduction second. The awesome secret, is that fun results in connection and mutual seduction.
Why so serious?
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Chris Bale's Blog
Founder & Head Coach.